


Meaningless

by ShinkirouSacril



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Some OOC, not happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-16
Updated: 2014-05-16
Packaged: 2018-01-25 00:50:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1623044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinkirouSacril/pseuds/ShinkirouSacril
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So one day I was going through vids of J2 in the earlier days of Supernatural, and I saw this one where Jared complained about Jensen’s “crush” on him, so…plotbunnies ahoy!</p><p>They met on the set of Supernatural. One could say they grew together, then got married, had families. Jensen had a crush, Jared was unaware.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meaningless

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All characters in this story belongs to themselves (and maybe whoever they have contractual obligations to but that’s beside the point). J2 are both happily married and not to each other. Jensen is by no means the douche I portrayed him as in this fic. Although Jared is indeed happily married to Gen with amazing kids. So hopefully only _some_ OOC-ness.  
>  So my very first fanfic, still trying to get a grasp on essential everything.

The chandelier glowed gold and silver. Seraphic choir as backdrop to a lifelong vow. The stunning bride, the handsome groom. The beautiful and upstanding congregation of wedding guests.

Picture perfect.

Who knew the frantic rush as the date was pushed forward? Who realised the pent up frustrations and the awkward explanations? Just sprouting excuses so limp as "unable to get the ideal church-booking" Jensen could not even convince himself.

He really wouldn't complain. After all, he was the one who took the first step away.

Jared was not the first. There were a couple of others, like Tom to begin with, but let’s not go there.

Introverted was just a nice way of putting Jensen's personality. A less flattering alternative ought to be cowardly. He was attracted to them. They did not reciprocate. So rather than risk any possible humiliation from awkward situations bound to occur, Jensen was the first to move. Away. He’d laugh if he were not as overwhelmed by the sense of loss. How hilarious, to be like a glass figurine. Too pretty, too fragile.

Likewise, Danneel wasn't the first. There were others, women, on occasion even men. People he slept with, to forget. That no longer mattered now. Not that he didn't love Danneel, for if he had not felt love towards her he would not have proposed in the first place. Just perhaps not _that_ much. She had filled a void, not perfectly, but at least the feeling was mutual. The rest was manageable. For Jensen was if nothing else a damn fine actor, and this wasn't even one hundred percent fictional.

He was no saint, in fact so far from it he really ought to despise himself.

Danneel seemed genuinely elated. They've already had plans. Two dogs, a nice, expensive house, maybe even kids. The high life.

Everything seemed to be alright.

xxxxx

Ruby, or rather Genevieve, really blindsided Jensen. The exact period at while she and Jared got together was fuzzy. Jensen couldn't exactly remember if it was him getting laid first and then Jared announced himself and Gen to be an item or the other way round.

Just one moment Jensen was imagining those very hazel puppy eyes on some random faceless stranger, the defined muscles as he was pressed against a thick, barrelled chest, well-endowed nether regions as his body was breached... and the next thing he knew, everyone was serenading the new couple on set. Jared smiled brighter than ever, an added sparkle in his eyes. Genevieve? He didn't pay much attention, really.

How ironic in hindsight, that he never found Genevieve exceptional when she first set foot on set. After all, she was far from the sort of "ethereal beauty" by Hollywood standards. Sure she acted well, but similarly not "outstanding" per se. What she did have was that vibrant personality. What they did have was time together. And personality just grows on people, and Jared grew to love her.

There were times when Jensen would start thinking "what if...", but he never allowed himself to delve far. Questions of this nature only opened the floodgates to a cascade of possibilities.

So what if he were a female? Would he then have the "right" looks, "right" build? If he got those right, what about a common ideology? A suitable personality?

Luscious lips twisted into a bitter smile, as doll-like lashes fluttered.

"Friendship" and "relationship" were as far apart as their distances in the dictionary dictated. "what if"s only brought into stark reality the impossibility of his crush being reciprocated.

xxxxx

Bachelorhood probably ended long before this wedding.

A similar occasion, with a switch of leads. Jensen had never seen Jared dress this formally, and he had to admit that the suit brought out a certain level of sophistication.

Here was Jared, outspoken and quick-witted, intelligent and so naturally the centre of attention. Jensen's the "quiet one", the one everyone knew surprisingly little about given his time in the limelight. Because he was uncomfortable with them knowing, because he could not handle. Because he was afraid. Do not be mistaken, it was not like he had _never_ taken an initiative in the mischief. He was just shy and reserved, not autistic, thank-you-very-much. He'd be the one most likely forgotten or overlooked when compared to other major characters, if not for his role as lead. Or his looks, a true mannequin. It's all a matter of relativity. Really brought out the differences.

There Jensen stood in the hallway in a three-piece, giving a reassuring hug to the nervous yet excited Sasquatch, wry smile turning the corners of his mouth. It was a prelude to a brand new chapter. It was also a gesture of goodbye.

Best friend, best man. Jensen would like to think he played the role to utter perfection. The absolute gentleman to the new couple. He grinned at Jared's grateful look as he helped Gen around the locations, because he was unsure what he could have said.

After Jared and Genevieve went for their honeymoon, it was all a frantic scramble for Jensen's own wedding. Barely enough time and yet he still found some for an occasional hook up. Just some bar, dark enough, unfamiliar enough that no one would recognize him. Or it could be one of those places where everyone pretended not to recognize anyone. Ultimately, it was just nameless faces. As unfamiliar arms locked into a routine embrace, Jensen could momentarily afford himself the solace of play-pretend. To forget that turning point. Forget the past few years. Back to the moment when they first met.

He was unaware how much Danneel knew, his hook ups and everything else. Didn't know if Jared or Gen actually did suspect. If they did they most certainly showed nothing. But Jensen knew for certain there existed too much uncertainties for things to have turned out any other way. So it's not as if his feelings to Jared mattered anyway.

Everything's alright anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I would just like to clarify I've nothing against autism. In fact I know of sufferers in my real life and realize how horrible it is. Hence by no means am I using "autistic" as an insult in this fic.


End file.
